Hmmmm, so I have pretty damn quiet on the old blog front recently, ay?
As far as I can tell, there are several reasons for this; one would be the annoying habit that my boss has of cracking his whip every time he sees me near a computer. Another would be an excessive alcohol consumption that it’s probably best I don’t go into. But the main one would be that I’ve been taking a distinct lack of paddling photos recently, being lazy or opting for the video camera instead…
So, I’m guessing you are probably expecting a sweet paddling video about now then?? Errr, unfortunately not….. but you can hear a tale of stupidity that will tug at your heartstrings* (* read as laugh your arse off at me being a top draw twat!)
So, with Easter finally providing some time off work to go gallivanting around the country in search of water, a plan was hatched to head to remoteness of Fiordland, and spend 4 or 5 days boating hard…. or spend 4 or 5 days chilling in the sun, surrounded by some of the worlds most fantastic scenery, moaning that it wasn’t raining! New Zealand… It’s just like Scotland I tell ya.
Having spent a bit too much time surfing recently, we went for a warm up run down a tame section of the Hollyford river, to re-introduce ourselves to our creek boats. It was a bit longer than expected and the site of the grade 4 section at the end came as a relief and sent a bit of excitement through my veins. Jumping out to have a wee scout of the entry rapid, I grabbed my video camera and tripod out of my boat just in case there was anything tasty. There wasn’t really, but a flimsy swing bridge, did provide a nice view of the rapid and so I thought I might as well get a bit of footage…. (can you see where this is going yet?)…. After carefully attaching my rather expensive camera to my cheap and nasty tripod, I set off to find a good view. Once located I started to extend the legs of the tripod….. now the rest is a bit of a blur really, I can remember seeing a blur of something, oh, I don’t know, camera shaped, whizz past my face. And I remember a bang as the same object bounced off a large boulder after narrowly missing the guy doing safety, and the bemused look on his face as the object crashed into the river and disappeared forever. I also seem to remember the world starting to spin and the word “FUCK” echo around the gorge for some time…. ..that happened just after I looked at the bottom half of a tripod that I clutched in my hands.
Quite frankly, it was the Shit without the giggles.
Some lessons have been learnt though!
1)Don’t skimp on the tripod, even if it is going to get buggered in the back of your boat.
2)Never let go of the camera.
3) Shouting expletives and kicking the crap out of a swing bridge precariously perched over a river is not the best way to impress the 9 tourists with you on the bridge.